Certainly, it can quickly be surmised that I am not a writer; I’ve not the cleverness, talent or flair. Albeit, one of my most-enjoyed classes was English, seconded only by various sciences, which I deeply love. But no, I am certainly not a writer. What is posted within this blog, that comes from an imperfect, humble, meager and meek, man. Simplicity. I’m not the know-it-all, go-to, all-inclusive source of absolute knowledge and understanding.
The truth of the matter is, I come from a troubled life of long-lived misery, deep despairs and hardships. I’ve known monumental losses, physical and spiritual starvation, phenomenal poverty and mind-breaking isolation. Much of my life has been lived under self-imposed punishment(s) of varying sorts. Records of some of these, I choose to share, almost in a therapeutic means, voicing once-mountainous burdens, along with the outcomes and their teachings.
Foremost, know this, that I am merely a man who, like many others, reached several epiphanies. The greatest among these pivotal, life-altering, truths was the submission to Jesus Christ. Even if I were to say that, on a certain day, the notion of Christ, caused some synapses to fire, in turn, altering my state of mind, the change, nonetheless, occurred. But I do not believe that rubbish to be accurate or true. With complete, candid, honesty, my belief is that Christ, accomplished in me, what I could not, of myself, do.
One does not live a decades-long life of habitual character and find oneself changed upon the following morning. This does not happen. Habits, well, they take much effort and time to break, don’t they? One does not wake up the following morning, no longer drinking, using drugs, lying, cheating, stealing, etc.. And even the vocabulary, what one is in the learned, practiced and habit, if not limitations of; ones normal vocabulary doesn’t just alter itself, does it?
The truths of these things are evident, to me. From one day until the next, was a monstrosity of a man, made different in such respects. And yet, it was even larger, in scale. How does one have this….Ebenezer Scrooge effect without substantial influences of some means? People are creatures of learned habits. People are capable of learning new habits, yes, of course. But they must learn them and that learning must become a habit, which takes time. My life changed, from one day to the next, and the only thing I did was pray to a God that I hoped would answer me with compassion, one night, lying in bed.
Yes, I speak of this often enough. But it still causes me such wonder. The “new creation” shall likely remain, one of my most curious and inquisitive subjects.
Being less than generously, educated, I’m not a finely-schooled, scholastic masterpiece of literary genius. Candidly, I can tell you that any grade school, child could write this with ease. Not supposing myself to be special, but merely admitting and resigning myself to honestly with whomever might read my ramblings, these are truths. Truths that I struggle to convey, explain and share.
How does a hateful, spiteful, man of many years, go to sleep one night and awake the following morning with unquestionable love for every person? How does such a man smile, every day, who never smiled before? How does a man, having not friends or family, consider all to be his friends and family, the following day? The man who cursed with every other word from his mouth, speak love, kindness, grace and forgiveness to all people, from one day to the next?
Being transparently honest, the answer is, without hesitation, reluctance or reservation…Jesus Christ.